Evening all, let's have some teams.

Robin van Persie is talking about his time in England. He liked it. He says that he grew up here in some ways, and mainly speaks Engish to his kids.

Behold football clapping.

Well, this, but otherwise.

There is literally nothing worse than talking about Wayne Rooney. He used to be brilliant, now he isn't what else is to say?

"The phenomenal team couldn't beat us," burns Mourinho. Mkhitaryan isn't match-fit, apparently, and presumably will become so sat at home on the couch.

"Not full-strength," says Mourinho, but Shaw, Carrick and Martial, at the very least should, in the opinion of this correspondent, be in the first XI.

But his team are not doing so well - they're ninth in the table with nine points from seven games, eight points off the league.

You might have heard that Wayne Rooney once scored a hat-trick against Fenerbahce; you might also have heard that Robin van Persie once played for Manchester United. And on that latter point, I can't recommend enough the video of his United goals, an absolute lesson in graceful, unerring, deadly finishing in which the difficult is made to look pips.

Come on, someone must know!

...and the point of picking Matteo Darmian is....

not even on the bench in Henrikh Mkhitaryan, because....

So, Jose Mourinho makes seven changes from Monday's game at Anfield. Out go Valencia, Blind, Herrera, Fellaini, Rashford, Young and Zlatan; in come Darmian, Shaw, Carrick, Mata, Lingard, Martial and Rooney. Merge the two teams at you'd have a pretty decent XI.