It's long since proved that no one knows anything, but already these Euros have shown that our plight is even worse - and better - than originally feared. Knowing nothing is a neutral state; being wrong almost all the time is entirely different. And beautiful! Oh, us!

Puff-puff, toot-toot, off we go.

45 degree handshakes are exchanged. Why? Why?

That Portugese anthem is like every track on In Rainbows - meandering and insufficiently raucous, before an absolutely barnstorming conclusion.

Loads of kavana from the Icelandics.

The players are upon us. It's time for some anthems.

"Ronaldo can score all types of goal," teaches Alan Shearer. "Left foot, right foot, headers," he subsequently clarifies.

Looking at Portugal in a little more detail, what a midfield that could be. Joao Mario is such a clever passer, and his ability to find space, both for himself and others, might be the difference against a team likely to sit back. And alongside him, Andre Gomes has something of "the Frank Lampards" - a little bit of everything and the stones to go for goal when others pass sideways.

Feel inadequate here!

The BBC studio share a hilarious chuckle about how they don't know much about Iceland. Lucky they're not funded by tens of thousands of taxpayers' money to be experts.

And here's yer Iceland.

And, while we're here, one from the earlier game: the absolute beauty of football.

As promised, a more current line-up. Isn't it very?

Talking of whom, here's the Mountain aka Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson - pre-emptively recalling one of his most famous sayings.

If you're old: recent evidence gathered by scientists proved it impossible to hear the word "Iceland" without immediately referencing this hero.

At the same time, Iceland in a major championship! Try saying that without covering your big, daft face in a big, daft grin.

There are no two ways about this: this is a gigantic, colossal, monumental opportunity for Portugal: they've been dealt an amenable group; the general opposition is less than terrifying; they have a variety of excellent and exciting young players; Cristiano Ronaldo. Can they make it count?

In lieu of something prettier...