Football news - The Warm-Up: Don’t goad the GOAT

First, let's have a quick glance through some of history's 'wish that hadn't happened' moments:

Ah, Diego. You’re now the proud owner of a FIFA Best Award for most regrettable celebration. But was your crotch dance really worth it?

Never goad the GOAT*. As soon as Simeone’s hands slid to his mid-region, the Argentine spinning towards a wild Wanda, another episode of The Ronaldo Show was commissioned. Why offer inspiration to a man who is responsible for all your misery since 2014? A man who answers the Superman conundrum – irresistible force vs immovable object – by repeatedly dismantling Diego Godin and Co. A man who LOVES scoring hat-tricks against you. Hell, the ONLY man who can score a hat-trick against you.

Still, you’ve got to feel sorry for Atletico. They’ve never experienced a Champions League without Real Madrid, so it’s only natural that their DNA was disturbed. At least they can claim the consolation prize: putting in a performance so bad, it eclipsed that of their neighbours.

As for Ronaldo? Just as the thought 'nah, he’s definitely past it' entered your mind for the fifth consecutive season, he answered with aplomb. Two towering headers and his favourite of them all, a penalty, ensured we finally have a proper team in the quarter-finals after last week’s debacle.

Actually, two proper teams.

They may lack the prestige of Juventus – 'can’t buy history, yeah yeah, good one' – but City are favourites for good reason. So what if they are still in all the competitions? They have (recklessly bought) two first teams capable of destroying anyone.

The only reason they didn’t win the trophy last year was because they got scared by some red smoke and a bit of noise. That won’t happen again (or will it, Liverpool fans…) leaving them with a free run at the trophy. Only Juventus, and maybe Barcelona, seem capable of withstanding them – but a side that has already scored 61 goals in 2019 (including 22 against the mighty Chelsea-Burton-Rotherham triumvirate) really should be adding to their non-financially-aided European Cup Winners' Cup from 1970.

And who can blame them? Leeds, Leeds, Leeds are flying in the Championship after last night’s 3-0 win at Reading, and have a two-in-three chance (odds not strictly accurate) of returning to the top-flight.

Bielsa is more than just a shrewd tactician. Only this week, he offered a much-needed take on the Jack Grealish punch saga. "The person who does the thing we saw yesterday expresses a series of frustrations which are not necessarily linked to football. Because the more satisfied you are with your personal life, the less you need to do this kind of act."

Simple point, but also a man aware of the bigger picture. Earn promotion and you can have the keys to Downing Street for Project Save Us. Then again, why waste a good man?

It’s worth remembering that while VAR is a turd, the original technology is doing everyone proud. Last night, it awarded a goal that would never have been given by the naked eye. Kudos.

Nothing like trying to embarrass someone into an international allegiance U-turn.

Schalke fans do a reverse Moses.

And this is 60% amazing, 40% creepy. Actually, it's just 100% creepy.

Erm… this clip is: a) not particularly retro, or b) remotely relevant, but it is also c) absolutely amazing.

Turn up your speakers for maximum enjoyment.

Liverpool go out of the Champions League on purpose against Bayern Munich to focus on finishing second in the Premier League. Lyon go out of the Champions League because they are playing Barcelona.