Blazin' Saddles

But, let's face it, besides his ridiculous accent, there's not much comic scope when it comes to cocksure Cav - far better putting the knife in the one-man comedy car crash that is Riccardo Ricco.

And look at this - Blazin' Saddles doesn't even need to do the work himself because some of the riders have done it for him.

Take South African speedster Robbie Hunter, one of only four Barloworld riders left in the race following a spate of unfortunate spills and the team's own, isolated, doping case in the shape of Moises Duenas.

It emerged today that Duenas not only dabbled in the odd EPO injection, but he was carrying around his own mobile pharmacy in a suitcase. Police apparently found "plants and poisonous substances" in his stash, which is bizarre because Blazin' Saddles always presumed cannabis and cyanide wouldn't be that effective for competitive riders.

Anyway, back to Hunter. In his online Tour diary, he talks of his disappointment on discovering about what his reclusive Spanish team-mate got up to before he launches into a bilious attack on "this idiot Ricco".

"He needs to be punched in the nose for his arrogance," said Hunter. "Just remember how he made so many accusations to (reigning Tour and Giro champion Alberto) Contador in the Giro while he is the dirty little snake. Idiot, I doubt he will ever show his face again in the pro peloton 'cause nobody likes him, and for sure nobody will miss him. I certainly won't.

"The worst part is that Italian TV was almost sympathizing with this idiot saying 'shame, he is only 25, and it's possible to make mistakes'. But when anybody else goes positive they massacre him. Wake up you fools - he is a cheat and should be treated like one."

From the honest, we now move to the revealing. In his own blog, Bouygues' Jerome Pineau wrote of his happiness on seeing Ricco snared. He also said he always had suspicions about the slippery Italian known as the Cobra.

"I'm happy that that arrogant guy Ricco has been caught because he always caused a stir everywhere he went," said Pineau, relishing in the powers of hindsight. "I have Italian friends who told me that, when they rode with him when he was 15, he used to show off about his doping antics and he even showed them how he took it."

On Ricco's continued tendency to lie about his 'naturally high' blood levels, the Frenchman added: "When you're up to the neck in it like him, at least you could have the decency not to act like he did, especially when he was right in the eye of the cyclone. He strutted around like a star, he provoked us. You know, I'm really happy that he's sleeping behind bars tonight." Priceless.

And the winner of stage 10 on the Hautacam was… Frank Schleck? Well, maybe. One day after Ricco's ejection from the Tour and his team Saunier Duval's subsequent withdrawal, it emerged that both Ricco and his mentor Leonardo Piepoli, winner of last Sunday's stage, had been sacked from the team for "doping practices".

Although the 37-year-old Piepoli has not - as far as we are concerned - failed a drugs test, he was shown the door along with his 24-year-old compatriot after an internal investigation concluded that they has both infringed the team's code of ethics. That must have been one hell of an internal investigation to come to that conclusion. . .

With rumours abound of systematic doping within the team don't hold you breathe before both Piepoli's stage 10 win, and Juan Jose Cobo's second place, are scrapped from the annals - making Schleck the unlikely winner. As Christian Prudhomme said: "I don't know if it is organised doping, but I saw – like all of you – that there were two riders a level above the competition on Hautacam."

Mark Cavendish will soon wish he was born with six fingers on each hand because with four stages now in the bag, and the prospect of more to come, the Manxman will soon need a mutant limb if he is to continue counting out his victories as he powers across the finish line.

There is not much Blazin' Saddles can say about Cavendish without merely adding to the roll-call of superlatives uttered by everyone who has witnesses the 23-year-old in action.

In a rare moment of seriousness, Blazin' Saddles is going to say that he hopes the spate of doping cases is not going to take the gloss of Cavendish's excellence. The cynics and newcomers to the sport witnessing his total and utter dominance in the flat bunch sprints may be forgiven to presume the worst. Instead they should look at Cavendish for proof of all that is good about the sport - he is the incarnation of hope that the Tour holds for the future.

At last, these flat transitional stages seem to be coming to an end. Today's 194km jaunt from Nimes to the hot spa town of Digne-les-Bains promises to be a spicy affair. The last time the tour visited Dignes-les-Bains, back in 2005, Frenchman David Moncoutie - renowned for his love of homeopathy - emerged victorious. Which is ironic, given that today's finish town is the world's primary centre of the lavender trade.

Lavender is so popular in these parts that the local chefs incorporate the purple plant into their cuisine, claiming it lends floral, sweet and elegant flavours to most dishes. Blazin' Saddles thinks this is a load of old tosh: once he went to a dinner party in leafy Islington and the hosts served homemade lavender ice-cream for pudding. It was rank.

Anyway, equine Dutch football hotshot Ruud van Nistelrooy is reputedly a fan of lavender - apparently he coats his boots in it prior to sleeping. Respect. The area of Digne is also known for its high level of fossils. Fact. So. . . Blazin' Saddles has done the maths for the stage 14 winner: Dutch links + old timer = Rabobank's Oscar Freire. About time too.

In his early, impressionable, formative years, Blazin' Saddles went on holiday with his family in this area of France. Being the spoilt, picky, demanding child that he was, Blazin' Saddles hardly ate anything that wasn't meat and non-fatty.

So when it emerged at a hotel in Sorgues, near Avignon (just around the corner from the stage's start), that there was not much on the menu apart from sheep's brain and fish aplenty, Blazin' Saddles dug his heels in and demanded the unthinkable: a Chateaubriand fillet steak, not only as a main course, but also as a starter! Still, it wasn't as decadent as the lady next door: she had bought one of the same fine cuts of meat for her small lap dog, who ate it from a bowl by her feet.

Must. Stop. Being. Side-tracked. Enfin, bref. If you are in the area then you must have an aperitif of the delightful rinquinquin (pronounced rahn-cahn-cahn) - a mellow 30% peach wine - along with a few dollops of tapanade with crusty bread. Local Banon cheese - a pungent goat's melange wrapped in chestnut leaves - comes highly recommended. Drink it with a Cotes de Pierrevert - preferably a powerful red, although the dry whites are not half bad.

Saunier Duval manager Mauro Gianetti: "Contracts are always drawn up with strong ethical clauses and we always have guarantees from the riders. Ricco swore on his mother's honour that he would never have used illegal practices to improve his performance."

Oh to be a fly on the wall when the Cobra slides into the Ricco family back door.